429 Dad Jokes to Keep Your Family Groaning in Second-Hand Embarrassment

Dad jokes are timeless classics that have been passed down through generations, making dads famous for their sense of humor. We can’t let this timeless tradition stop on our watch.

These pun-filled gems never fail to bring a smile to our faces, no matter how much we groan in response. So, sit back, relax, and get ready to embark on a journey filled with hundreds – literally hundreds – of the best dad jokes on the planet.

429 Dad Jokes to Keep Your Kids (and Your Wife’s) Eyes Rolling Indefinitely:

1. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They might crack up!
2. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
3. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
4. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
5. What did one wall say to the other? I’ll meet you at the corner!
6. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
7. How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut!
8. I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
9. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
10. Why don’t skeletons play music in church? They have no organs.
11. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
12. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
13. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
14. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
15. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
16. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
17. I asked the gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits. He replied, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make it on Tuesdays.”
18. I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
19. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired.
20. I got my wife a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
21. What did one hat say to the other hat? You stay here, I’ll go on ahead.
22. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
23. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
24. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
25. Did you hear about the kidnapping at the park? They woke up!
26. How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
27. Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.
28. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
29. What do you call a man who can’t stand? Neil.
30. What do you call a dog that can do magic? A Labracadabrador.
31. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
32. I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
33. Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? The food is great, but there’s no atmosphere.
34. I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why.
35. What’s brown and sticky? A stick!
36. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
37. What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream.
38. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
39. Why couldn’t the bicycle find its way home? It lost its bearings.
40. I was going to tell you a time-traveling joke, but you didn’t like it.
41. How does a taco say grace? Lettuce pray.
42. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
43. Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they are shellfish.
44. What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.
45. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
46. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.
47. What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.
48. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener.
49. Why don’t melons get married? Because they can’t elope!
50. What did the Dalmatian say after eating dinner? “That hit the spot!”
51. What’s the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty!
52. What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
53. What did the big flower say to the little flower? “Hi, bud!”
54. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
55. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? Carrot.
56. How does a snowman get around? By riding an “icicle.”
57. What do you call a bear with no ears? B.
58. What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer.
59. I was struggling to figure out how lightning works, but then it struck me.
60. The furniture store keeps calling me, but all I wanted was one nightstand.
61. I was going to tell you a joke about construction, but I’m still working on it.
62. Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels.
63. I haven’t talked to my wife in a week — I didn’t want to interrupt her.
64. When does a joke become a “dad joke?” When it becomes apparent.
65. How can you tell the difference between a dog and tree? By their bark.
66. Why did the ram run over the cliff? He didn’t see the ewe turn.
67. Why couldn’t the bike stand up on its own? It was too tired.
68. Where do armies belong? In your sleeves.
69. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? Just in case he got a hole in one.
70. What do you give the dentist of the year? A little plaque.
71. Why did the nose feel sad? It was always getting picked on.
72. Where was the dripping coming from in the fridge? The leeks.
73. What do you call a shoe made out of a banana? A slipper.
74. Why did the whale blush? It saw the ocean’s bottom.
75. Why did the cowboy adopt a wiener dog? He wanted to get a long little doggie.
76. You’re American when you go into a bathroom and when you come out, but what are you while you’re in the bathroom? European.
77. Can February March? No, but April May!
78. How do trees get on the internet? They log in.
79. Why did the lobster blush? Because it saw the ocean’s bottom!
80. Did you hear about the actor who broke his leg onstage? He’s still in the cast.
81. How do you know when a bike is thinking? You can see its wheels turning.
82. What kind of car does a sheep like to drive? A Lamborghini.
83. How do you get a squirrel’s attention? Act like a nut.
84. What kind of music do elves listen to? Wrap music.
85. What did the dryer say to the boring duvet cover that just got out of the washer? “Don’t be such a wet blanket.”
86. What should you do to prevent dry skin? Use a towel.
87. I had a date last night. It was perfect. Tomorrow, I’ll have a grape.
88. Did you hear about the man who cut off his left leg? He’s all right now.
89. What does an evil hen lay? Deviled eggs.
90. What happens when doctors get frustrated? They lose their patients.
91. What do you call spiders who just got married? Newly-webs.
92. What did the geometry teacher say when the class had trouble solving a problem? “Let’s try a different angle.”
93. Why did the employee get fired from the keyboard factory? He wasn’t putting in enough shifts.
94. Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing.
95. What does a writer have in common with a football player? Anxiety over a rough draft.
96. How did the farmer fix his torn overalls? With a cabbage patch.
97. What did the tree say when spring finally arrived? What a re-leaf.
98. My wife asked me to go get 6 cans of Sprite from the grocery store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7 up.
99. Why did the dad say when his golden retriever was caught eating a hot dog? “It’s a dog eat dog world out there.”
100. Why are fish so smart? Because they swim in schools.
101. Getting paid to sleep is a true dream job.
102. What do you call 26 letters that went for a swim? Alphawetical.
103. Once I read a book about glue. I couldn’t put it down.
104. How does the rancher keep track of his cattle? With a cow-culator.
105. What does a painter do when he gets cold? Puts on another coat.
106. Shouldn’t the “roof” of your mouth actually be called the ceiling?
107. What did one wall say to the other? I’ll meet you at the corner.
108. Why shouldn’t you play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
109. Why did the computer catch cold? It left a window open.
110. Why did the bedding hide their relationship? They just wanted something pillow-key!
111. What’s a zebra? A couple sizes bigger than an A.
112. What’s the most detail-oriented ocean? The Pacific.
113. Why do pancakes always win at baseball? They have the best batter.
114. What do lawyers wear to work? Law suits.
115. If you see a burglary at an Apple store, you become an iWitness.
116. What do you call a baby sheep that knows karate? A lamb chop.
117. What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater.
118. What makes a basketball court trendy and accessorized? The hoops.
119. Why’d the roofer go to the doctor? He had shingles.
120. How do you fix a broken tomato? With tomato paste.
121. How can you mend a broken pumpkin? Use a pumpkin patch.
122. How much money does a skunk have? Just one scent.
123. What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing. It just waved.
124. Why are pigs bad drivers? They hog the road.
125. What should you do if you meet a giant? Use big words.
126. What invention allows us to see through walls? Windows.
127. Why couldn’t the bike stand up on its own? Because it was too tired.
128. How much money does a skunk have? Only one scent.
129. Why can’t the sailor learn the alphabet? Because he kept getting lost at C.
130. Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
131. What time do ducks wake up? At the quack of dawn.
132. Why is cold water so insecure? Because it’s never called hot.
133. What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.
134. How do you get a mouse to smile? Say “cheese.”
135. What do you call a locomotive carrying bubble gum? A chew chew train.
136. What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business.
137. Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well.
138. Why did the drum go to bed? It was beat.
139. A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie is everywhere!
140. RIP boiled water—you will be mist.
141. I was going to tell a joke about water, but it was tasteless.
142. What vegetable is kind to everyone? The sweet potato.
143. Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
144. Why was the ghost so tired? He worked the graveyard shift.
145. Why were spectators confused by the koala’s self-portrait? It was bear.
146. Did you hear about the 12-inch dog? It was a foot long.
147. What’s more unbelievable than a talking dog? A spelling bee.
148. What’s a scarecrow’s favorite fruit? Straw-berries
149. Why was the broom late? It over-swept.
150. Did you hear about the guy who was afraid of hurdles? He got over it.
151. What do you call a happy cowboy? A jolly rancher.
152. Sundays are always a little sad, but the day before is a sadder day.
153. Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.
154. Why are fish so easy to weigh? Because they have their own set of scales.
155. Why did the watch go on vacation? To unwind.
156. Why did the girl toss a clock out the window? She wanted to see time fly.
157. What did one leaf say to the other? I’m falling for you.
158. My girlfriend keeps accusing me of cheating. She’s starting to sound like my wife.
159. Where do burgers go dancing? At the meatball.
160. Dogs can’t operate MRI machines, but cats-can.
161. What part of the museum makes everyone sneeze? The sta-tues.
162. My wife asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall” to her. I said “Maybe…”
163. What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A bed.
164. What do you call two ducks and a cow? Quackers and milk.
165. What did one hat say to the other? You go on ahead.
166. Why was the cow such a heartthrob on the farm? He was a s-moo-th talker.
167. Where do boats go when they’re sick? To the dock.
168. What do lions use to look at their manes? Mirroars.
169. Why did Waldo go to therapy? To find himself.
170. Why can’t you trust a balloon? It’s full of hot air
171. What animals are the best to call if you get locked out of your house? Monkeys.
172. What do pigs use to clean up? Hogwash.
173. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
174. Why do dads feel the need to tell such bad jokes? They just want to help you become a groan up.
175. What is a calendar’s favorite food? Dates.
176. What did the calculator say to the pencil? You can count on me.
177. What kind of cereal do leprechauns eat? Lucky Charms.
178. What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1
179. Why didn’t the sun go to college? It already had a million degrees.
180. What do you call a cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!
181. What did the roof say to the shingle? The first one is on the house.
182. What happens when ice cream gets angry? It has a meltdown.
183. Why did the watch go on vacation? Because it needed to unwind.
184. I went to buy a pair of camouflage pants, but I couldn’t find any.
185. What did the hamburger name its baby? Patty.
186. 5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.
187. Why couldn’t the family leave the room after playing with Legos? They were blocked.
188. Why do some couples go to the gym? Because they want their relationship to work out.
189. What is Marco’s favorite clothing store? Polo.
190. What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? Loafers.
191. Not sure if you have noticed, but I love bad puns. That’s just how eye roll.
192. What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
193. What do you give a scientist with bad breath? Experi-mints.
194. What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make? Brrrroooom, brrroooom.
195. What did the dad say when his golden retriever was caught eating a hot dog? “It’s a dog eat dog world out there.”
196. How do celebrities keep cool? They have many fans.
197. Did you hear about the cat that ate a lemon? Now it’s a sour puss.
198. What do cows like to read? Cattle-logs.
199. What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy bear!
200. What was Sherlock Holmes’ favorite protein source? Mystery meat.
201. What do you call a sheep that knows karate? A lamb chop.
202. What do computers eat for a snack? Microchips.
203. Where do you learn to make ice cream? Sundae school.
204. What did the dishwasher say to the oven after a productive day? “You’ve been on fire!”
205. When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar.
206. How does a penguin build his house? Igloos it together.
207. Why do bananas wear sunscreen? Because they peel.
208. Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.
209. What do you call a girl in the middle of a tennis court? Annette.
210. What does a librarian use to go fishing? A bookworm.
211. What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.
212. Where’s the one place you should never take your dog? A flea market.
213. Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling.
214. My manager told me to have a good day. So I didn’t go into work.
215. What do you call a rude cow? Beef jerky.
216. Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado.
217. What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish? Swimming trunks.
218. Getting paid to sleep would be my dream job.
219. I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
220. What did the girl say to her fingers? I’m counting on you.
221. Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything.
222. Where do you learn to make ice cream? At sundae school.
223. What do you call a gnat with a sore throat? A hoarse fly.
224. What do you call recently-married spiders? Newly-webs.
225. Why did the pony ask for a glass of water? Because it was a little horse.
226. How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut.
227. I wanted to buy a pair of camouflage pants, but I couldn’t find any.
228. Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked.
229. What’s a writer’s favorite train station? Penn Station.
230. Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything.
231. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
232. Is there anything worse than when it’s raining cats and dogs? Yes, hailing taxis.
233. Why was the dad sitting on a pack of playing cards? His kid asked him to sit on the deck.
234. Did the hear about the ice cream truck accident? It crashed on a rocky road.
235. What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? A father-in-law.
236. Did you hear about the broken guitar for sale? It comes with no strings attached.
237. What do birds do when they’re unsure of how to fly? They wing it!
238. What do you call it when a group of apes starts a company? Monkey business.
239. A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the long face?”
240. What did the husband say to his wife right after getting LASIK surgery? “Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?”
241. What does a house wear? Address.
242. What did one piece of tape say to the other? Let’s stick together.
243. How do you stop a bull from charging? You cancel its credit card.
244. How do you cook an alligator? With a croc-pot.
245. What do you call a medieval lamp? A knight light.
246. Why do birds fly south? Because it’s too far to talk.
247. Where do elephants store luggage? In a trunk.
248. What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
249. Why did the pug buy a clock? It wanted to be a watchdog.
250. What do kids play when they have nothing else to do? Bored games.
251. What’s a crafty dancer’s favorite hobby? Cutting a rug.
252. Want to know why nurses like red crayons? Sometimes they have to draw blood.
253. What does “Rockin’ Robin” do when she’s bored? Tweet.
254. Did you hear about the walnut and cashew that threw a party? It was nuts.
255. How was the handsome runner described? “Dashing.”
256. Why did the employee get fired from the keyboard factory? He wasn’t putting in enough shifts.
257. Why do dragons sleep during the day? Because they like to fight knights.
258. What kind of music do chiropractors like? Hip pop.
259. What sits on the seabed and has anxiety? A nervous wreck.
260. What do you call someone who can’t stick to a diet? A desserter.
261. What did one elevator say to the other elevator? I think I’m coming down with something.
262. Why did the picture go to jail? He was framed.
263. Where do hamburgers go to dance? The meatball.
264. What’s the best air to breathe if you want to be rich? Millionaire.
265. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up.
266. Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because its mother was in a jam.
267. I’ve been thinking about taking up meditation. I figure it’s better than sitting around doing nothing.
268. Why are pigs bad drivers? Because they hog the road.
269. What do frogs use to track their exercise? Fit (rib)bits.
270. How do you tell a scientist that they have bad breath? Offer them an experi-mint.
271. What kind of jewelry do rabbits wear? 14 carrot gold.
272. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
273. What does cake and baseball have in common? They both need a batter.
274. What did one plate say to another plate? Tonight, dinner’s on me.
275. If you see a robbery at an Apple store, does that make you an iWitness?
276. Why did the baseball player get arrested? He stole third base.
277. My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.
278. I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.
279. Did you hear about the cold dinner? It was chili.
280. Did you hear about the bossy man at the bar? He ordered everyone around.
281. What kind of bird is always getting hurt? The owl.
282. How does a penguin build a house? Igloos it together.
283. Why did the man fall down the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.
284. Why did the scarecrow win an award? It was outstanding in its field.
285. Why was the football stadium cold? There were too many fans.
286. I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!
287. What do you call birds that stick together? Velcrows
288. How do you weigh a millennial? In Instagrams.
289. Dogs can’t operate MRI machines. But catscan.
290. Why did police arrest the turkey? They suspected fowl play.
291. What was said about the messy, angry man who was eating a can of Pringles? “He’s got a chip on his shoulder.”
292. What do you call a moose with no name? Anonymoose.
293. Why did the roofer go to the doctor? He had shingles.
294. Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.
295. What did the earthquake say when it was done? Sorry, my fault!
296. What do you call a pudgy psychic? A four-chin teller.
297. What did the blanket say to the bed? I’ve got you covered.
298. If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
299. Did you hear about the woman who couldn’t stop collecting magazines? She had issues.
300. Why was the hockey player gifted a new cap? He was known for his hat tricks.
301. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.
302. Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink? He’s at the hospital waiting to be seen.
303. Why do hamburgers go south for the winter? So they don’t freeze their buns.
304. I want to make a brief joke, but it’s a little cheesy.
305. Why did the cashier rip money in half? They were asked to break a bill.
306. Why shouldn’t you trust trees? They seem shady.
307. Did you hear about the whale that swallowed a clown? It felt funny after.
308. Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be just-water.
309. It was an emotional wedding — even the cake was in tiers.
310. What sounds like a sneeze and is made of leather? A shoe.
311. Why did the baseball player get arrested? Because he stole second base.
312. What do you call a herd of sheep falling down a hill? A lambslide.
313. What did the baker say when she won an award? “It was a piece of cake.”
314. I told my girlfriend she drew on her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
315. Where did the cat go after losing its tail? The retail store.
316. Why don’t phones ever go hungry? They have plenty of apps to choose from.
317. What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
318. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? It was feeling crumby.
319. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
320. What do you call a fibbing cat? Lion.
321. What did the two pieces of bread say on their wedding day? It was loaf at first sight.
322. Why were the utensils stuck together? They were spooning.
323. What did the police officer say to his belly-button? You’re under a vest.
324. What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna One, Anna Two!
325. Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.
326. What did Benjamin Franklin say when he discovered electricity? Nothing. He was too shocked.
327. How do you get a country girl’s attention? A tractor.
328. What do you call it when a lawyer takes a test early in the morning? A breakfast bar.
329. Why did the duck fall on the sidewalk? He tripped on a quack.
330. Why couldn’t the couple get married at the library? It was all booked up.
331. Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road? Because it got stuck in a crack.
332. What do you call an unpredictable camera? A loose Canon.
333. What did one furniture maker say to another during a tense discussion? “Let’s table this.”
334. What’s the most patriotic sport? Flag football.
335. Sore throats are a pain in the neck.
336. Why did the poodle buy a clock? It wanted to be a watch dog.
337. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
338. Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was out standing in his field.
339. Why did the deer go to the dentist? It had buck teeth.
340. What do you get when you cross a Smurf and a cow? Blue cheese.
341. Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? It lost its filling.
342. What do you call spaghetti in disguise? An impasta.
343. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You’d think it’s the “R,” but it’s really the “C.”
344. What do you call an angry musician flipping someone off? A song bird.
345. What do you call someone who won’t stick to a diet? A desserter.
346. Why should you never use a dull pencil? Because it’s pointless.
347. Why couldn’t the couple respond right away when looking at wedding venues? They were engaged.
348. What type of music do the planets enjoy? Neptunes.
349. Why did the computer get glasses? To improve its website.
350. What does a karate master get rewarded with while driving? A seat belt.
351. Our vacuum cleaner is getting old. It’s just gathering dust.
352. What do dogs and phones have in common? Both have collar ID.
353. Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback.
354. Where does a sheep go to get a haircut? The baa baa shop.
355. How can you tell when a comic passes gas? Something smells funny.
356. What did the envelope take so long to get ready? It had to get addressed.
357. What would the Terminator be called in his retirement? The Exterminator.
358. Why do nurses like red crayons? Sometimes they have to draw blood.
359. Why couldn’t the duck be quiet? Because it was addicted to quack.
360. Why did the boy bring a ladder on the bus? He wanted to go to high school.
361. Why did the utensils get stuck together? They were spooning.
362. Why was the color green notoriously single? It was always so jaded.
363. Why did the little strawberry cry? His mom was in a jam.
364. Why is sand so optimistic? It has a can-dune attitude.
365. Why did the frog take the bus to work? His car got toad.
366. What kind of sandals do frogs wear? Open-toad.
367. What did the mama cow say to the baby cow? It’s pasture bed time.
368. Why do bakers work so hard? Because they knead dough.
369. Why did the computer go to bed? It needed to crash.
370. Why was the traffic light late to work? It took too long to change.
371. What kind of shape may have been knighted? Cir-cles.
372. Where do books hide when they’re afraid? Under their covers.
373. What did the flowers do when the bride walked down the aisle? They rose.
374. What did the accountant say while auditing a document? This is taxing.
375. What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you.
376. Why did the orange stop halfway across the road? It ran out of juice.
377. What kind of cleaning product feels a lot of motivation in life? All-purpose.
378. What did the air conditioner say when it met a celebrity? “I’m a big fan.”
379. Did you hear the one about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
380. Why did the snowman buy a bag of carrots? He wanted to pick his nose.
381. Why did Waldo go to therapy? Because he needed to find himself.
382. How do you get an astronaut’s baby to stop crying? You rocket.
383. Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to go spreading it!
384. Why did the tailor get fired? He wasn’t a good fit.
385. What did the sapphire’s best friend tell her? “You’re a real gem.”
386. How do birds learn to fly? They wing it.
387. What do you call a fly with a sore throat? A hoarse fly.
388. What did the juicer say to the orange during self-quarantine? Can’t wait to squeeze you!
389. What kind of drink can be bitter and sweet? Reali-tea.
390. Did you hear about the guy who afraid of hurdles? He got over it.
391. I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
392. How do mice floss their teeth? With string cheese.
393. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. Summer wasn’t too bad either.
394. What’s the name of a very polite, European body of water? Merci.
395. What kind of music should you listen to while fishing? Something catchy!
396. What kind of bird works on a construction site? A crane.
397. Why did the thief take a shower before robbing the bank? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
398. How you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.
399. It takes guts to be an organ donor.
400. How many apples can you grow on a tree? All of them.
401. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
402. When does Friday come before Thursday? In the dictionary.
403. What do you call two octopuses that look the same? Itenticle.
404. What kind of music scares balloons? Pop music.
405. Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.
406. What did the Dalmatian say after dinner? That hit the spot.
407. The past, present and future walked into a bar. It was a tense situation.
408. Have you ever had a bad sausage? It’s the wurst.
409. Why did the phone wear glasses? Because it lost all its contacts.
410. How can you tell if a pig is hot? It’s bacon.
411. What’s it called when kittens get stuck in a tree? A cat-astrophe.
412. What do you call a naughty lamb dressed up like a skeleton for Halloween? Baaad to the bone.
413. I told my doctor I heard buzzing, but he said it’s just a bug going around.
414. What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing—they fast.
415. I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
416. How did the dad prank his daughter using fake dog poop on April Fools Day? He told her to look out for her new sham-poo in the shower.
417. Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.
418. What did Tennessee? The same thing Arkansas.
419. Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honey combs.
420. I wanted to take a bath, but decided to leave it where it is.
421. What do you call a man wearing a rug on his head? Matt.
422. I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
423. What kind of bug can tell time? A clock-roach.
424. How does Darth Vader like his bagels? On the dark side.
425. Did you hear about the king that went to the dentist? He needed to get crowns.
426. Why did the pharmacist walk on her tiptoes? She didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills.
427. What did the roof say to the shingle? The first one’s on the house.
428. How do frogs invest their money? They use a stock croaker.
429. Dogs can’t operate MRI machines — but they know cats-can.

There you have it – some of the best dad jokes on the planet! These pun-tastic and groan-inducing jokes are a testament to the unique humor of fathers everywhere. Dad jokes may not always elicit the loudest laughs, but they bring us together with their playful silliness and undeniable charm. 

So, whether you share these jokes with your own dad or enjoy them with friends, get ready for eye-rolls, laughter, and the warmth of a shared moment. Remember, a good dad joke is like a fine cheese—it gets better with age!