Let’s be honest; being a dad can be hard. Really hard. But you know what makes it better? A mustache.
That’s right; ever since mustaches departed from cultural approval in the 1970s, they’ve been reserved strictly for the few and the proud. Only those brave souls with some experience under their belts and a whole lot of IDGAF can rock a ‘stache. But dads? Dads can get away with a mustache like nobody’s business.
The thing is, if you’re going to commit to having a mustache, it can’t just be any old mustache. You have to put some time and energy into making it a truly awesome mustache. Be creative, for goodness sakes. It’s a mustache, after all.
So whether you’re embracing your inner cowboy or you’ve decided to participate in Movember, consider this your mustache gameplan.
Here are 5 popular styles of mustache:
The Fu Manchu
For the bold and the brave with no regard for people’s comments and under-the-breath jokes, there’s the Fu Manchu. Hulk Hogan championed this mustache for years, and honestly pulled it off quite well (Picture Hulk Hogan without the Fu Manchu. Weird, right?).
The Fu Manchu is simple to accomplish. Simply grow a goatee, but shave the cheeks, chin, and soul patch. You’ll have a unique look that turns heads in no time.
The good thing is, you can almost guarantee nearly everyone will ask what’s going on on your face, at which time you can spread awareness for Movember and men’s health.
The Pencil
If you’re more of the well-groomed type, you might be able to pull off The Pencil. This mustache is typically extremely thin and requires daily trimming with a precise blade. But man does it look cool when executed properly.
The key to the success of The Pencil is in the overall appearance of the man sporting it. Here are a few questions to help you decide if the Pencil is for you:
- Is your hairline extremely well-edged at all times?
- Is your face shaven smooth as a cucumber (other than your mustache of course)?
- If you’ve grown other facial hair, has it also been edged with exact precision?
- Do you wear suits regularly or does your wardrobe have to be mostly dry cleaned?
If you answered “yes” to those questions, you’re ready for The Pencil.
The Handlebar
You know what they say, “If you’ve got it, flaunt it,” and mustaches are no different. The Handlebar is an American classic, and is still sported by some barbers, hipsters, and Rockabilly enthusiasts.
To accomplish this look, simply let the edges of your mustache grow as you trim the rest, then twirl the edges in a loop as they grow. Excessive twirling may be necessary, especially when in moments of deep thinking.
With this look, you’ll be letting everyone know that you’re cultured, deep, fashionable, and that you can grow a fabulous mustache. Who knows, this one might just stick around well after Movember is gone.
The Magnum
Inspired by Magnum P.I. and countless cowboys both fictitious and real, this mustache is not for everyone. You must have strong mustache genetics and an attitude to match.
To grow The Magnum, you must have complete coverage of your mustache from nostrils to upper lip. Whitespace on the upper lip of the face, does not a Magnum make. As a general rule of thumb, the thicker and longer the hair is, the better. However, The Magnum typically stops just beyond the outer corners of the mouth, so that part will need to be trimmed.
If you’re not the strong-silent type, an advocate of wearing jeans and boots year-round, and regular wearer of some sort of weapon, this probably isn’t the mustache style for you.
The Barely-There
Last but not least, we can’t forget about the inconspicuous mustache referred to herein as the Barely-There. Maybe you can’t quite grow a voluptuous mustache, or maybe you have blonde or red mustache hairs that make upper lip hair look more like a Dirt Stache than a mustache. Either way, the Barely-There is your way to participate in Movember.
Basically, the plan here is to grow just enough hair to classify as a mustache – picture a 5 o’clock shadow – then keep it trimmed so no one has to see just how unappealing it can get.
Blame it on work, your wife, or anything else you want, but tell anyone who asks that you either got a late start or that you’re supporting Movember as subtly as possible.
So there you have it – a few easy options to consider when you’re looking at getting creative with your mustache styles. Now go out there and make some people uncomfortable with your upper lip hair 🥸.